Rifftrax: Batman & Robin - Batman vs. Wizard (1949/2014)
In episode 182* of the Batman serial, The World’s Greatest Detective, star of Detective Comics, is forced to do some actual Detective Work! The Wizard has been shot in the hand and in a twist that would make the writers of even the worst Scooby-Doo episodes, the ones with Scooby-Dum, shake their heads in disgust, every other suspect in Gotham has also suffered a mysterious hand wound!
Oh, they all have their excuses: “I caught it on barbed wire.” “I snagged it on one of my mantraps.” “Gabe challenged me to Mumbly Peg.” “I hit the ‘stop’ button on my remote so emphatically duringEpisode 13that it exploded, causing the injury.” So it’s up to Batman to do the trademark detective work that only he is capable of, namely, attempting to tell the difference between a barbed wire wound and a bullet hole.
Will Batman be able to make this distinction? We have our doubts. We’re frankly not sure he’s been able to see a damn thing out of that mask throughout the entire serial. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the penultimate entry in the Batman serial saga:Batman Vs. The Wizard!
*I’m sorry, we’re being told this is actually just episode 14. We apologize for the entirely reasonable mistake.
Available now from Rifftrax, as are all the previous 13 installments, for the insultingly low price of $1.99 each!
1:17 am • 18 September 2014 • 126 notes
What the hell? I’d backhand this douchewagon.
I’m sorry but the J, E, and W look odd. Like someone deliberately messed with the sign.
It’s true, the word ‘JEWS’ has been hand-painted over something else. The bend in the ‘J’ is particularly crude. However, since this guy is definitely real, and a white supremacist anti-semite:
I have to assume that the printing company refused to print the signs as originally requested, so Ransdell got his team of skinhead goblins to alter the second word to read ‘Jews’.
You can see him sport his 1997 Matrix sunglasses and share his predictable views about “Jewish supremists” [sic] as he gives what he seems to think is some kind of press conference, addressed to a single person in retail car park recording with an iPhone, here:
8:34 pm • 17 September 2014 • 105 notes
Awful, nightmarish Pepsi cinema promo.
12:39 am • 16 September 2014 • 2 notes
Rifftrax: The Flying Saucer Mystery (1950/2014)
If you’ve ever wondered what people in the 1950s thought about flying saucers before they had the advantage of the History Channel’s valuable research into ancient Egyptian flight technology AND you enjoy fuzzy footage of dark circles in the sky AND you’ve always wondered what it would look like if a man who looks exactly like Mickey Spillane fluffed some weird line about UFOs being souls not gathered in by Adam and Eve, THEN The Flying Saucer Mystery is for you. Fans of military stock footage and Zelig-like interviews with bewildered oddballs will probably not be disappointed either, I expect.
The truth is out there, and when I say ‘out there’ I mean over at Rifftrax, where you can download this or stream it instantly for the smallest amount of money you can possibly imagine (approx).
*Callback to the historically significant but excessively whimsical A Trip to the Moon.
10:02 pm • 15 September 2014 • 117 notes
Presented entirely without comment.
From The Dandy, August 5th, 1967.
10:10 pm • 14 September 2014
Rifftrax: The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982/2014)
And the 80s said, “let there be fantasy movies,” and there were fantasy movies, and they were good. Well, they weren’t really. But lo, raise thy flagon to the 80s, for through the mists of legendry* (*actual phrase from the movie) they bring us The Sword and the Sorcerer!
Before George R.R. Martin ever Gamed a Throne,The Sword and the Sorcererhad a witch bringing forth a hideous monster, a noble family of good guys getting wiped out, and even a Red Wedding! Or at least a Magenta Wedding. It also has a three-bladed sword that shoots blades, the kind of idea that seems like it could only have been pitched by an 8 year old boy right after the phrase “You know what would be COOL?”
Follow the adventures of our hero, Talon, a rogue/warrior/buccaneer/general/upholsterer/freelance architect/hooker with a heart of gold, as he gets vengeance and shoots his sword and swings on ropes and whatnot, y’know, hero stuff.
It’s high fantasy, just like the blacklight posters and pewter figurines at Spencer’s Gifts envisioned! Join The Mike and The Bill and The Kevin forThe Sword and the Sorcerer!
Note: contains some scary stuff and brief incidental harem nudity.
Any number of thoughts are likely to occur to you in the brief lulls between riffs while watching this. For instance:
1. This film is much better than I remember.
2. This film is worse than anything I can remember.
3. Kathleen Beller is cute. I must watch that TV movie where she plays a babysitter tormented by Dennis Quaid again sometime.
4. I cannot believe my parents let me watch this.
5. Oh, Manimal is in this.
I remember watching this when I was about nine, and enjoying it so much that I referred to all subsequent fantasy films as “Sword and Sorcerer” films. I do not recall it having so much groin-kneeing and dismemberment, so many naked breasts (about twelve, but you’d have to check with Joe Bob Briggs), and quite as much sexual assault-based humour as it does.
Relive the shattering of your own innocent childhood today by going to Rifftrax and downloading or instantly streaming this confusing action spectacular, and then quietly wonder what else you’ve edited out of your early years while eating a cold spring roll and watching the rain gently speckle the kitchen window.
6:02 am • 13 September 2014 • 168 notes
The Sword and the Sorcerer | RiffTrax
Rifftrax is proud to present “The Sword and Sorcerer,” a 1982 sword-and-, well, sorcerer movie, starring the Guy who played Matt Houston and the Guy Who Was the Scientist in Werewolf. And featuring a sword that prefigures the multi-blade ejectable razor craze with astonishing accuracy.
Well gee I dunno I’ll have to think about thGIMME GIMME NOW WANT CLICKCLICK ADDTOCART PAYPAL YES CLICK WANT HURRY
8:05 pm • 12 September 2014 • 16 notes
Never let it be said that the Atlantic isn’t on top of all the big news stories of the day.
12:11 am • 11 September 2014